Johi is a typical farm raised Iowa broad. She drives a big truck, scoops manure, adores nature, loves sushi, cusses like a sailor and rocks high heels. She married a handsome remodeler much nicer than herself, and together they produced two adorable, very high energy, extremely loud boys. Johi can be found making fun of Wal-Mart shoppers while shopping at Wal-Mart, cracking inappropriate jokes on the playground, drinking wine from a box, and laughing at life. She spends a great deal of time cleaning a house that is never quite clean and trying desperately to find her lost identity that was never quite developed. She is a writer, an illustrator, a photographer, a decorator, and a connoisseur of bad TV. She currently resides in a half-remodeled house in Fort Collins, Colorado. You can read more of Johi on her blog Confessions of a Cord Fed Girl.
How old are your
children? Boys? Girls?
I am the mother of two adorable, sweet, huggable and
sometimes totally rotten boys. They have real names but I call them Thing 1 and
Thing 2. They are six and three. Thing 1 is learning karate, baseball and reading.
Thing 2 is working on his evil laugh and world domination.
What was your life
like before children? How did your plans to re-sculpt your life to meet
the needs of a family square with reality?
Oh, my life before children. I thought I was SO BUSY. I did
work with the general public for ten years, which is sort of like looking after
children.
Before kids, I slept 8 hours a night, read books, had a lot
of sex and went horseback riding at least three times a week. It was nice.
I am a stay at home mom who never enjoyed babysitting in my
youth. Oddly enough, I do enjoy my boys, but I have been striving to nurture my
own identity. Writing has been an integral part of that.
When did you start
your site? And what caused you to up and say, "Hey, world! I'm going
to start a BLOG!"?
About 2 ½ years ago, my good friend from New Jersey started
a blog. We had exchanged some short stories via email, strictly for one
another, and she is hilarious. She
sent me a link to her site and I was so excited that I wanted to comment. But I
had to create a username with Google and this thingy popped up and said “START
YOUR OWN BLOG FOR FREE!” Well, I LOVE free sh*t, and I had about 20 short
stories written and saved on my computer, so I thought, “Sounds good to me!” and
I started clicking away.
Writing has changed my life. I probably owe my girlfriend a
six pack or something.
Can you talk about
the name of your blog? Because I think one thing when I hear then name, and
then I see this supermodelly woman, i.e. you, and I'm like "Wha?"
I’m just a farm-raised girl who likes fashion and knows how
to cover my mayonnaise whiteness and cellulite with clothing and make-up. No
supermodels here, however, I do have a superpower. I cannot disclose it though,
because it is super-secret.
What would blogging
pay dirt be for you?
This is going to sound like I’m bragging, but I assure you
that I’m not. I never knew what blogging would bring for me. My blog isn’t even
monetized, but I’ve honestly reached so many goals because of my little blog.
In the past six months I’ve illustrated a children’s book, had essays published
in two books and gotten a job writing for a magazine and website. All of it
materialized because of the work that I put into my blog. And the beautiful
thing is that it doesn’t feel like work because I’m simply writing down what I
normally say to my friends.
Ultimately though, I desire a sh*t ton of money, a big
mother-loving book and movie deal. Why not? As Daniel Tosh says, “Whoever says
that money can’t buy happiness is a liar. Money can buy a Wave Runner. Have you
ever seen a sad person on a Wave Runner?”
Who would play you in
the movie?
I’ll be playing myself and Hugh Jackman and/or Ryan Reynolds
will be playing Brock. I wouldn’t enjoy it too much though because I’m nothing
if not professional and it would strictly be work. Naturally, both men would be
required to be shirtless and oiled throughout the entire filming.
The choice/moment in
your life you wish you could plug into a "Sliding Doors" app?
Ooooo! That’s a tough one! Even though I’m sort of a chronic
complainer (it’s part of my charm?), I actually LOVE my life and all the people
in it. Most of them have transpired out of my crappy choices, so I really have
no desire to see what my other decisions would have led to. Live in the moment,
right?
That’s a boring answer.
How about if I say: “The moment I rescued the small Native
American boy from the charging buffalo while riding my horse through the Black
Hills of South Dakota. He was narrowly in my grip and I often wonder what my
life would have been like if he slipped through my arms and into the stampede
of hooves below.”
Is that a better answer?
Article(s) of
clothing, in your opinion, that say(s) everything about a person?
Their shoes say so much, and probably their underwear does
as well. Although some things I really don’t
need to know.
I really am judging the whole picture/outfit. Yes, I said
judging. We all do it, unlike most people, I admit to it. Walmart and the
airport are a toss-up for my favorite place to people watch (i.e. Judge
people).
Your best "I am
roasting in Mommy Hell" moment?
Oh good night. Pick one?
I told my children that I would burn their toys in our
backyard fire pit if they couldn’t pick them up. This was after they had
repeatedly watched that freaking Toy Story 3 movie.
What are the three
activities that feed your soul the most?
I have more than three.I’m going to list them because I
truly NEED them all.
- Horseback riding
- Walking/Hiking
- Girl’s Night Out
- Visiting with my extended family
- Spending time in the mountains
- Gardening
- Sleeping
- Reading
- Writing
- Drawing
- Dancing like a fool
- Quiet times with my husband and our dudes
- Coffee
Not necessarily in that order.
Your advice for
newbie mommy bloggers?
I don’t consider myself a mommy blogger, but I would say to
anyone who is writing anything: Be bold, be fearless, and always write with an
honest voice.
I have so much left to learn that I sort of feel like a dope
giving anyone advice about writing, but I would LOVE to talk about shoes.
