Funny Haiku: Great Events in the Life of MOM

I sit down to eat,
not serving my family,
like it's Mel's Diner.

They are together,
the door closed and so quiet.
Whew! They're both happy!

A new recipe.
Everyone eats happily!
They compliment me.

A true miracle,

without yelling or chasing,

I comb her hair.

We go out for lunch.

We're not the table all hate

Heaven smiled on me!

One book satisfies.
He climbs straight into his bed.
No bullshit requests.

Woke up naturally,
the kids very much asleep.
Peaceful coffee time.

Mom in the Spotlight: Dance Convention Owner, Hilary McAlister

photo: The Photo Junky

Hilary McAlister is an Artistic Director, and Co-Founder of Soul de Soul Dance Convention. She is the creator and Director of Tearstained Dance Company, which has been featured in PURE Magazine and performed at events around the greater Oklahoma City area. Hilary attended the University of Central Oklahoma as a Dance Major and continued her studies at summer intensives at Broadway Dance Center and Steps on Broadway. She frequently visits Los Angeles for continued training. Currently she teaches at Studio J School of Dance and travels teaching master classes and setting choreography on different groups across several cities. Hilary’s choreography has received numerous awards and honors.  Most recently one of her pieces, "Angel," was inducted into the Hall of Fame Dance Challenge as a Judge’s Choice and can be found featured on their website. Hilary knows that dance is the rhythm every person is born with; therefore, people dance alone, dance with, and or dance for something.  The experience, feel, and emotion of dance, is what drives Hilary to express her heart through dance.  With this understanding, Hilary hopes to touch, inspire, move, and encourage not only the dancers but the audience as well.  She believes dance is the language of the soul, which can move us to feel and experience something greater than ourselves and she feels blessed to be able to contribute to our world with something as beautiful as dance.

How old are your children? Boys? Girls? 

I have two boys. My older is 4, and the other is 4 months.

Where were you in your career when your children were born? 

With my first child I had just finished taking time to train in New York City, I was teaching full time at Studio J School of Dance in Edmond Oklahoma, and I was working with my dance company Tearstained.

I just had my second child in May. Currently I am the Co-Founder and Artistic Director of Soul de Soul Dance Convention.  I am still teaching full time at Studio J, as well as teaching and choreographing throughout the year at other studios. 

How did you plan to navigate dance and motherhood before your children were born? Were you able to stick to your plan, or did you have to alter the script you'd written for yourself? 

To be honest, I didn’t have a plan. I was overwhelmed by the thought! I’m not afraid to let my artistic side kick in and I decided to improv my way through things. My career and children continue to change and grow, and I am constantly having to adjust the way I handle and juggle both. 

How did you come to start your own convention? 

We are an Oklahoma City/Los Angeles based traveling dance convention. My best friend, Mackenzie Martin- Crosley and I co-founded and direct Soul de Soul. We wanted a way to share our passion and love for dance with other young artists. Soul de Soul was created out of Kenzie's and my shared concern of the closed off community that we felt in our city due to the lack of opportunity to take from other local teachers outside your home studio, as well as the desire to bridge the gap between studios and dancers who were training down the street from each other three times a week. Our efforts were to create a place free from those boundaries and to offer a safe place where dancers, students, teachers and anyone with the shared affinity for dance could come create and experience others' talents. 




This is the founding integrity for our company. 

Being a convention owner and dance teacher, and wearing all the other dance hats those jobs, imply is extremely time-consuming. How do you balance time with your family and time devoting yourself to dance and the business of dance?

Fortunately, I have incredibly supportive and helpful people surrounding me. My husband is my number one fan always encouraging me to pursue my heart’s passion, and to chase after my career. He offers the help and support I need to be a mom and a dancer. He continues to remind me that I wouldn’t be the mom or wife I am if I did not have dance, it’s what keeps me grounded. With his support and the support of my family, friends, business partner, and boss I am able to find a healthy balance for both.

I have learned through trial and error when to set dance aside to play cars or kick the soccer ball, and when to focus on my career and teaching. This balancing act also includes early mornings with LOTS of coffee, afternoon playtime and late night choreography after everyone is asleep! I wont lie -- it is busy, but so far I have managed to spend lots of quality time with my family, giving them my all a while still pursuing dance!

I am really enjoying this crazy Dancer-Mom Life.

Okay. I am going to go there. As a convention owner what is your take on Dance Moms and the whole Abby Lee Dance Company universe?

Well anything that brings notice and awareness of dance is good, however, I feel that this particular show has made more parents skeptical of dance, dance teachers, and studio owners. So, although it is bringing awareness to dance outside of the dance community I don’t know that it is showing dance in the best light and what actually is happening in most studios.

People think that because someone teaches dance, they are dancing – getting a vigorous workout -- all the time. Often the opposite is true. How do you stay in shape these days?

Well, the exercise you get from teaching is definitely different from taking hours of class as a studio dancer, or college student. I try to dance as often as I can. I watch my diet closely and I make sure to exercise outside the studio -- cardio and circuit training – during the week.

What’s your best “why me?” mothering tale?

Well. . . I think the closest “why me?” moment I can think of took place this summer. It was two weeks after my baby was born, time for my husband to return to the fire station after his “maternity leave," and it was Nationals week.

So what else does a teacher mom do? Pile her kids into her SUV and head to competition. It ended up being so much fun, and my dancers (or my son's sisters as he likes to call them) were absolute gems helping me as I lugged one stroller, two kids, twenty bags, and a million post-baby hormones through the convention center.

In the end my dancers killed it and my babies were champs, so this “why me?” turned out to be a “why not?”!

Your advice for mothers on the entrepreneurial side of dance? 

I would say continue to pursue. Don’t lose your family in the process, but never shut down what is in your heart. If you do, your family will miss out on a huge part of who you are. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, to ask for advice, and, most of all, to say “no!” The “no” part is the hardest one for me!

SPACE IS STILL AVAILABLE 

FOR 

 SOUL DE SOUL'S DANCE CONVENTION

 SEPTEMBER 15-16

AT THE MARRIOTT HOTEL IN OKLAHOMA CITY!

Advanced, intermediate, beginning and teacher levels offered!

Get information (teaching faculty, schedule, hotel info) and register at  http://souldesoul.com/

Photo: The Photo Junky

Fighting Words in the Mommy Wars: Working Moms Have it (Somewhat) Easier

What life as a SAHM is like sometimes.

What life as a SAHM is much of the time.

Being a SAHM, a stay-at-home mom
certainly can be a choice,
something like
"Should I get the Bentley? Or maybe the Rolls Royce?"

Now those are not the ladies
that I mean to I refer to
I mean those for whom home and work
is one humungous issue.

For some women,
staying home's the only course,
All day with a Nanny or at daycare
is a thing they don't indorse.

Other moms don't work enough,
or don't earn sufficient cash
What they'd have to pay in childcare
would eat their pay up in a flash.

Some equate the self with work;
they love, love, love their jobs
At the mere thought of being careerless,
they break down into sobs.

Whatever the case, we all know it's easy
to be a stay at home mom.
You play a little and work a little,
like in an old-school sitcom.

News flash folks, a SAHM works
from sunup to sundown
She is essentially a peon,
while each kid wears a crown.

Unless she is one of those ladies
who has a full time sitter.
While she (sigh) works with her trainer and has treatments,
gosh, no I'm not bitter!

Desperate Housewives, indeed,
on the verge of emotional collapse
Navigating meltdowns, picky eaters,
and God forbid -- the missed nap.

People ask, "They love their kids, don't they?"
They're lucky -- they shouldn't complain.
Some tender, loving moments, sure
but many more that are insane.

Working moms have it a little easier,
it's a fact, not a boast.
If you want to know why I think this,
see my Parent Society post!

A Nice Problem to Have

Yes, Mommy's okay. It's just that cleaning
for the cleaning people is so STRESSFUL!

My blogbuddy Laura over at Stroller Parking Only recently posted about her spendy monthly grocery bill.  I prided her on actually doing the math.  Anyone who did that for our family would ask if I was secretly feeding a team of longshoremen, a goat and Charles Barkley. 

With no intent to minimize or mock her concerns, I realized that we're lucky (not smart, somewhat lazy, but still lucky) to be able to spend that kind of money on food.  Of course, a grocery bill constituting high percentage of income is a problem, but in this economy there are many people for whom it is not a problem.

It’s not a problem because it's simply not an option.

The ability to overspend on groceries is a high class problem. With the current mass affluent demographic, it is even a middle class problem. 

It's like the thin person who complains, "I often forget to eat!" In the abstract, a nice problem to have.

Here are some other situations that fall into that high class problem category.  Some I’ve merely overheard.  Some I’ve commiserated about with others.  And some I’m too ashamed to say aloud.

That's why I have this blog right?

With the Cleaning People:

• The cleaning people are coming tomorrow and I have no time to straighten up for them.  Now not only will they do a slackluster job, thinking we live like pigs, but with all the clutter, they won’t be able to clean efficiently.  I am so stressed!!!

• Someone’s home sick and it’s too cold/hot/wet to be outside. Now we have to scurry from room to room to stay out of the cleaning people’s way.  Will the struggles never end?!

• Oh crap!  I forgot to replace the supplies! Now, I have to run out and buy baking soda and vinegar/Method products/50 lemons and a case of baking soda so they can do a green clean.  Call an ambulance, I might have a stroke. 

Groceries:

• How is it that I spent over $200 in groceries last week, and have nothing to make a meal out of, but enough snacks for a roomful of potheads? 

• I just spent a small fortune supporting small, local farms and their fantastic organically grown produce at my neighborhood farmers market. But now all the food is as spoiled as the average Upper East Side tween. Oh, well.  But they have the BEST arugula!!!!

• I really should use coupons, but who has the time to do all that searching and clipping?  And then they’re never in my wallet when I need them. Shouldn't I be able to tattoo them on?

Clothing:

• I found such great clothes for the person I want to be this season! Unfortunately, the person I am has beaten the s--t out of the person I want to be and left her for dead.  Well, at least my new Container Store closet is well dressed!

• I thought I could wear these classic clothes forever, if I altered them/bought the perfect shoes, accessories, etc… Can I sell them on consignment?  Surely someone wants an ill-fitting suit from 2008!

Date Night:

• Finally, we made it to that trendy, spendy restaurant everyone's talking about.  But we got into an I-wanna-throw-my-wine-right-in-your-face fight during appetizers, and didn’t talk the rest of the meal.  Might as well have walked out of the house, thrown $150 in the sewer and gone to our respective computers.  Jeez.

• All that expensive food ejected into the porcelain throne… At least I/he won’t gain weight from all that rich food.

The Kids:

• We are paying practically two more mortgage payments for preschool/private school.  But it is so worth it!

• They are taking ballet/violin/soccer/Arabic/Tae Kwon Do/gymnastics/cooking and an HVAC course.  It is a fortune, and we are so BUSY, but it is so worth it.

People who have said these things, as stressed as they may have been, in the grand scheme of things, are pretty lucky (unless they are doing this all on credit).  They might have felt a little guilty for letting such thoughts cross their mind.  Or they might have felt even a tad bit proud, like our I-forgot-to-eat-friend.

What are your thoughts on these high class/middle class problems?  Are you guilty of feeling plagued by any such issues?  Or do you remind these petulant complainers that some people don’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of, and to shut the %$#& up? 

Dear Dance Student: Words of Wisdom from an Older Dancer

Amy Marshall

Treat class -- and your every opportunity to dance-- as a gift, as a special time for you.

Leave your emotional baggage outside.  Let class be your chance to think only about you.  Let it be your therapy.  Let it heal.

Listen to every correction given.  Try to implement it, even if it wasn’t given to you.

Take a correction to the endth degree.  Your teacher can always pull you back.

If you don’t understand the correction, ask.

A dance class is a lab.  Experiment continually.  Never do it the same way twice.

Even if doing so is outside your comfort zone, stand in the front sometimes.  Your teacher is only human. S/he may move students around, but if it seems you don’t want to be seen, you just might not be.

Don’t worry about her feet, her extension, how many turns he does or her natural alignment.  Work with what you have.  Celebrate your gifts, while working your damndest to overcome any shortcomings.

Sarah Cullen Fuller

There is only one you.  You can’t work to your fullest potential trying to be someone else. 

Competition and knowing the strengths of other dancers is healthy, as long it is a motivating force, not a defeating one. 

While there may be a few exceptions out there, every teacher has something to offer.  Never write anyone off because you don’t like her build, style, attire, body decoration, etc.

The dance world is maybe 2 degrees of separation. Always be diligent and respectful.  Word about bad behavior moves faster than a Balanchine petit allegro.

While your teacher should be respectful, s/he is not there to be your friend, but to make you a better dancer. 

If you can find teachers whose class speaks to you, and where you are both complimented and thoughtfully corrected, you are very lucky indeed.

Alexandra Beller

Believe that pushing through and learning something in that weird/boring/super challenging class will pay off.  In the New Dance Order of America these days, the versatile dancer – the one with a solid understanding of several techniques – gets the prize.

There will always be bad days.  Do not be defined by them.

Push yourself.  Hard.  But acknowledge when you have done all you can, at least for the time being.  Sometimes the epiphany, the breakthrough, comes later. 

Immediate gratification is rare.  When it happens it is the result of years of training. The fun and the joy are in the struggle.

Keep dance in perspective.  Know that you can still be a smart, loving, fantastic person with a great life even if one day you can’t buy a decent pirouette. 

It is never too early to gain a firm grasp on somatic concepts.  If you wait too long to develop this beautiful mind, your body might be an unwilling partner. 

Feats of nature -- contortionesque flexibility, oodles of pirouettes, sky-high jumps are dazzling. But remember that dance is communication.  Dance is artistry.  Keep in mind the power and potential of small and simple movement.

Did I say to treat every chance to dance as a gift? 

Dancer: Keesha Beckford
photo: Cheryl Mann

The Big Four O: The Quiz

I very, very recently celebrated my 40^th birthday.  It’s a major milestone demanding reflection.  If you are the big Four-0 as well, and want to make sure you’re on the right track, you’ve gotta take this quiz!

The morning of your 40^th birthday you___________ .

1. felt an overwhelming sense of enlightenment.
2. felt relieved that you didn’t wake up totally gray and with a face bearing a strong resemblance to a raisin.
3. felt sick to your stomach and vomited over the edge of your bed.

A cougar is _______________

a.     a comically predatory and rather misogynist description of a sexual post-35  woman.

b.     me every weekend, bay-beeeeee!

c.     an animal my Aunt Brenda kept in a cage in her backyard.

When you walk into a store like Forever 21 or Abercrombie you ________________ .

1. wonder why they don’t call this place HoochieMamas-R-Us.
2. hide under a floor rack, assume a fetal postion and suck your thumb. 
3. scream at the all the young shoppers, “Umm-hmmm. You ain’t noboday!!!”

You need to start holding your body in better esteem because __________________ .

1. really, it’s amazing.  You're the only person who’s been harshing on it all these years.
2. or else no one will be there for my 27 cats.
3. Sorry, I’ve gotta finish my Mountain Dew/Cinnabon combo and get to my appointment at the Tan-O-Mat.

The 40ish woman I most resemble is ________ .

1. Jennifer Garner.
2. Samantha Jones in early SATC episodes.
3. Meredith from The Office.

I have friends I can laugh with, cry with and to give me sage advice.

1. Yes, more than I can count.
2. a few
3. one
4. sure, if you count the guy at Starbucks talking to his coffee cup.  And the coffee cup.

To be more emotionally healthy, I hope I can let go of a painful memory concerning ___________ .

1. my guinea pig
2. a friend or family member.
3. an ex lover.

When I take stock of my _______________  I see evidence of a life well lived.

1. home
2. children/family
3. friends
4. slim-jim collection
5. photos of my many travels

I can come to terms with the fact that I will probably never __________ .

1. be rich and famous
2. cure world hunger
3. arrive anywhere on time having not forgotten something
4. face a bag of chips/twizzlers/hoagies without eating myself sick

In the next decade I vow to _________________________________ .

1. find a patron to support my plastic surgery requirements
2. purchase a shed for my dashed hopes and broken dreams
3. in the words of Irene Cara, “take my passion and make it happen.”

As for scoring, screw it.  Score it however the blank you want. 

You’re forty, after all.  

Mom in the Spotlight: Dance Writer, Nichelle Strzepek

Nichelle, weeks away from giving birth in dance film, Framing Bodies
©Studio 4d4 by Lorie Garcia; Framing Bodies by Frame Dance Productions

Nichelle Strzepek writes about 100,000 words per year on dance training at DanceAdvantage.net. In June 2012 she presented the whats, hows, and whys of blogging on a panel at the annual conference for Dance/USA, the national service organization for professional dance, to better equip artists and companies for engaging their audience and new readers through online communications and content. In addition to self-publishing, she covers dance performance in Houston, Texas, where she finds time to periodically perform and teach. Her career in dance has been a multifaceted diamond but the true gems in her life are her young son and daughter. You can find even more of Nichelle's words on dance at NichelleDances. Or, interact with her via Twitter:@danceadvantage or Facebook: fb.com/danceadvantage

How many children do you have?  Boys?  Girls?

I have two children, a little man who just turned 5 and is starting kindergarten this year and a daughter who just turned 1. They actually have the same birthdate! ...I know, I couldn't believe it either. So far they're happy to share.

Where were you in your career when your children were born?

When I became pregnant with my son, I was teaching dance, working my tail off at several dance studios. Having him in August meant that I could finish out the season and still have a couple months to get really huge... and I do mean huge. he was 9 1/2 lbs at birth! We re-located to Houston just a month before he was due and, in the transition, I made the choice to take some time away from teaching and be at home. It was a welcome change of direction because I had been burning the candle at both ends teaching full-time and working a part-time job.

I started writing about teaching dance on my blog in the Spring of 2008 when my son was about 8 months old. A small audience started to develop almost right away and I made some connections locally which resulted in writing reviews and previews for dance performances. Suddenly I was a dance writer!

I discovered I had a green thumb for growing the site, and I actually enjoyed the "gardening!" So, when my daughter was born last year, I had a much larger readership with over 40K page views a month. It was challenging but I was able to keep Dance Advantage going and growing with the help of some really awesome people both online and off.

Often choreography looks nothing like the "people you see in your head."  How much did your motherhood look like what you had envisioned?  

Motherhood as a dance is a great analogy. You can do all the preparation you want but when you get into the studio, the creation is going be what it's meant to be.

The quote from Michelangelo about 'carving the marble until he set the angel free' comes to mind. There's a lot of outside pressure to micromanage motherhood and family dynamics and you can waste energy trying to shape your 'mom experience' into what you or someone else envisions.

Dance has taught me that there's great value in discovery, improvisation, and 'que sera' creativity, which has helped me to better appreciate the beauty of happy accidents in motherhood as well. So I prefer to try and follow Michelangelo's lead, patiently and intuitively releasing my inner super-mom. :)

Awww...Nichelle and her daughter

Running your own website/blog, while extremely satisfying, is an obsessive pursuit much like dance.  Any lessons from your dancelife that you apply to running, shaping and promoting danceadvantage.net?

Absolutely! Dance is a perfect laboratory for life-lessons. Here are a few of the biggies:

    ⁃    That persistence pays off.

    ⁃    That kindness and professionalism matter.

    ⁃    That being consistent and building trust among the people with whom you are dancing (or engaging) is essential for creating something outstanding.

    ⁃    That laying a solid foundation and practicing until you've mastered the basics makes for a strong and efficient performer.

    ⁃    That you've got to be ready to improvise and learn new things.

    ⁃    That your only real competition is yourself, that your "rivals" are also your friends and allies, and that maintaining this view is a much more effective motivator than comparing what you do with others.

    ⁃    That you can have all the right tools and not get anywhere without passion.

    ⁃    That you've got to be in it because you love the process because the progress is gradual and the rewards are rarely immediate.

I could go on… but that last one's really crucial for bloggers, and moms, I think.

I saw on a recent twitter thread of yours a discussion of So You Think You Can Dance.  Most mature dancers like myself are ambivalent at best about SYTYCD.  Can you talk a little about the SYTYCD-ization of the field?

Well, most mature dancers have witnessed a multi-faceted dance experience. We've been through the years of training, we've studied academic theory, pedagogy, and dance history, we've participated in artistic collaboration, live stage performance, and the choreographic process, we've been to non-televised auditions and worked in professional company or institutional settings.

We realize that the version of dance presented on SYTYCD is just one tiny facet of dance AND that's it's been adjusted to "fit" our culture's television screens and viewing habits.

Considering this, it's easy to see why mature dancers are often conflicted about the presence and popularity of these shows. We'd prefer the general public to experience a more unfiltered reality of what we do and all that dance is. Moms want that, too. So would most professionals in any field but, as you've already mentioned, dance people are particularly consumed by their profession.

I feel SYTYCD opens up a gateway for new people to enter into dance but then puts them in a room with very few windows and doors leading to other facets of dance. It's getting better. From what I understand, the producers are trying to build more windows and doors into SYTYCD, and it also helps that there are now a wider variety of dance programs popping up.

But we can't just rely on TV shows to do the work for us, as dancers and educators, it's important that we be tour guides, making sure that all of these new viewers of dance know how to get from place to place on the dance campus -- a reason the dance community at large is strengthened by the participation of dancers in new media online who are acting as tour guides.

Wow, sorry. That was longwinded!

If you are like most moms, getting real personal time is almost impossible. What do you do just for you, just to relax?

As a mom, and as a writer and website owner I'm kind of a workaholic. Building in 'me' time is something I'm still figuring out, but I'm an avid reader, which provides some quiet time in the evenings before bed. Sometimes I just enjoy vegging with a movie and a glass of wine. Lately, I've been trying (trying!) to spend a little time each day in prayer and meditating on the things for which I'm grateful.

What's a quote of your children that you've been meaning to send to the "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" of a parent magazine?

I stink at remembering and recording all of the imaginative things that come out of my son's mind and mouth, especially when asked!

I do recall having a good laugh a few months ago when my son said, "Mom, I wish I was a rich man." In addition to the funny phrasing, the question caught my attention, so I asked why. He replied, "Well, the song says, 'Money, money, money. Always sunny in a rich man's world."

Perhaps you can guess we had been listening to the Mama Mia soundtrack in the car. Around that same time he asked "Mom, why does she want a man after midnight?" …we took a break from ABBA for a little while.

Nichelle with her son and daughter,
too - she's 6 months pregnant!

The most hilarious story you can think of for your memoir?

I love to have fun, be silly, and my life is full of laughter but I accept that telling hilarious stories is not my strong suit. I'll leave that to writers like you, Keesha, because that's definitely one of your strengths!

I also cringe a bit at the idea of a memoir but if ever anyone, including myself, would find it necessary to publish my memories, I'd hope that it would be written with plenty of insightful humor and wisdom so that ultimately readers would find strength, motivation, and inspiration to reach their goals. I think my stories probably fit better on that kind of shelf.

©Studio 4d4 by Lorie Garcia;
Satin Stitch by Frame Dance Productions