Only Children CAN Share!

I am an only child.  My husband is an only child.  Really.  

We have two children, and are continually shocked about the non-stop bickering in our home.  A level of conflict that makes Boehner and Obama look like they should be slurping up opposite ends of a strand of spaghetti.   

Most of the conflict is about sharing. Something that should be so simple, so fair.  So effing natural.  Something that we teach kids makes the world go round. Something that makes both giver and the recipient happy. Something on which our freaking survival as a species depends.  

But sharing is often impossible with little people -- it goes against their every primitive little instinct. They play by their own set of rules, expecting to be shared with, but not to share pro-actively.  And if Child A wants to play with a toy Child B has all but declared dead, suddenly that once-ignored toy is the most beloved thing Child B has ever owned.

Now people are always going on and on about only children being so selfish and spoiled, part of the implication being that they don't have to practice sharing on a daily, minute by minute level.

Maybe so. Legend has it, I used to ask my mother to hide certain toys when my cousins came over.  But eventually I stopped that shit.  As an only child, you realize you'd better be a damn good friend to people, unless, of course, you want to grow into the type of person who is sad and bitter that she cannot dine at a restaurant. With her cats. 

So on behalf of only children everywhere, I am going to share away.  

But first I have to share some news.  I am going to be published in a book!  One with actual pages!  One you can take into the bathroom, if of course you can get a moment's peace.  

Here's the cover!

Is that not the best title ever?!

I am pee-my-pants thrilled to be featured in Jen's anthology.  Jen is the author of the wildly popular blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat.  Not only am I in her book, but I get to keep company with some of the hottest mom-bloggers out there!  I'm doing Russian splits and switch leaps.  (Internally at least, I'm not warmed-up and am 40 years old.  Such shenanigans would wind me up in the hospital.)

Not only am I going to share some news, but I am going to share the awesome awesomeness that is the writing of some of the bloggers in I Just Want to Pee Alone (these posts are not in I Just Want to Pee Alone obviously)

In Check Please, Bad Parenting Moments discusses the "elation" of dining out with kids.  In Dinner for Two, I Think Not, Nurse Mommy Laughs, shares a dining request that is more Six Feet Under than Lettuce Entertain You.  

Hollow Tree Ventures has a nerveracking chat with her young daughter about something that rhymes with scampons.  Also in the vein of feminine embarrassment, House TalkN describes a steamy Hot Tub scene gone all wrong.

Then there are the lessons. Funny is Family (my new bloggy crush) shares some life learnin' from college that had nothing to do with a professor, and You're My Favorite Today tells all of us parents of small children what we should NOT be stressing about.  

And on that note, I'm sure You're My Favorite Today would tell me they figure out the sharing thing eventually.  All we can do is try to guide them as much as we can.  If I feel out of my league, I'll call in the union refs, and while I'm waiting for their sage advice, I can plop my ass on the sofa and tune into to yet another episode of The Sibling Scuffle.   

Note: This blog post was brought to you by an only child who was happy to share.

A Holiday Giveaway! Win a book! Win a Kindle!

Yes, you have come to the right place. One lucky reader will win a book that belongs with David Sedaris's Holidays on Ice.  Another might win a Kindle Fire. But first a little holiday tale... 


When is it going to be my turn? What am I going to get?

She was like a five year old instead of a thirty-something dance teacher at the annual holiday party thrown by the studio owner.

The grab-bag thing made her a little nervous.  Especially with the $5 limit.  As a group of dancer/dance teachers, however, their average individual income was about $87/year, and cheap gifts were the only option.

She had put in a Starbucks gift card. Lazy perhaps, but who didn't love going into Bucky's knowing they could get a day's calories worth of coffee for free?  She hoped for a Starbucks card or some lovely product from Bath and Body Works.  

Finally it was her turn.  She picked up a rectangular box. What was it?  All eyes were on her.  

Her face fell.

Frango Mints.  Frango effing mints.  She tried to smile sweetly insteady of like an ungrateful bitch  child.

Anyone who knew her knew she'd rather eat chocolate covered hair (yes, that kind) than chocolate and mint.  She threw up in her mouth a little.  

And she had made the gift giver feel bad.  She tried to smooth things over with an "Oh they're lovely, I just don't care for mint and chocolate."

Can we say awkward?

Holiday gifts should not produce years of bad memories and uncomfortable meetings, nor should they EVER make one's hors d'oeuvres go in retrograde.

And in that spirit, nineteen of your favorite mom humor bloggers (Including me!) had a meeting and all agreed. 

There's a brand new book you NEED to read this holiday season. 

The title says it all.

Spending The Holidays With People I Want To Punch In The Throat is a heartwarming (yes, really!) collection of hilarious holiday-themed personal stories and observations written by none other than Jen of the well-known blog People I Want To Punch In The Throat. If the holidays have you stressing about gift giving, cookie decorating, or where in the world to put your Elf on the Shelf, then you need to take a mommy time out and read a chapter or two. And now you can have a chance to peruse the pages for free. Consider it our holiday gift to you. We are teaming up to give away 19 copies of the book. All you have to do is enter the giveaway using the Rafflecopter form below for your chance to win an AUTOGRAPHED copy! We promise that it is both endearing and hilarious, but you don't have to take our word for it. You can see for yourself. Several of us recorded videos of our favorite parts. Here is mine. (Warning: Strong Language)


 


 See? Told you. Now you want your own copy right? Well, Jen generously donated an autographed copy to every blogger participating in this giveaway so that we could increase your chances to win. You can enter using the Rafflecopter below. This giveaway is open to US residents only. "But wait, that's not all!" we say in our best Price is Right announcer voice. We couldn't get a bunch of tech-savvy moms together for a book giveaway and not bring you an eReader, right? So we are also giving away a Kindle Fire!


 

a Rafflecopter giveaway