1. A night out costs a small fortune.
2. Everyone around you feels entitled to celebrity treatment.
3. The "music" makes you want to shove railroad spikes in your ears.
4. Girls hobble around in shoes they have absolutely no business wearing.
5. You can bet your ass the ball will be dropped.
6. By the time you can go get yourself a drink or some food, there's not a thing left.
7. There are questionable substances all over the bathroom.
8. It's 4 degrees out, but people insist upon rocking their skimpiest outfit possible.
9. Someone's working really hard to get in your bed.
10. You know you're going to be totally useless tomorrow.
Isn't it great to know nothing's changed?
Parents, we're living the dream!
Happy New Year, my comrades in parenting -- whether you go out or stay in, or pass out at 10:30 pm!