Monday, October 14, 2013

Your Snoring Partner: The Quiz

When you hear your partner snoring you  ___________________ .
a.  thank the heavens that s/he is getting some much needed rest
b.  wonder how in the hell you will ever sleep with all this racket.
c.  Rage whisper “Shut it, Mutha$#@%a!” with a kick for emphasis. 

You refer to your partner’s snoring problem by saying s/he _________ .
a. is just a loud sleeper.
b. suffers from obstructive sleep apnea.
c. is a sociopath with no regard for human life.

You are sure that ___________________________.
a. your bedmate would really and truly stop snoring if he could
b. snoring can be helped with diet, exercise, changing sleep position and crazy Darth Vader masks.
c. this “spouse” has made it his/her life’s work to make your every night a living hell.

A snorer’s partner should ________________ .
a.  get over it – being single would be way worse
b.  form support groups with other similarly besieged individuals
c.  beat the offender mercilessly, or plan one night to have him/her kidnapped and shipped to Uzbekistan. 

If by chance you happened to snore you would _____________ .
a. hope your partner can be as understanding as you have been.
b. apologize wholeheartedly, and with perhaps a few tears.
c. realize that you are not only unfit to sleep with anyone, but you are not fit to live.

You don’t think your partner understands that ­­______________ .
a. I would love him even more (if that’s possible) if he didn’t snore
b. that snoring is just so yucky!
c. every morning you wake up exhausted and stressed like you spent the night with a live jackhammer.

The best solution for your problem is __________ .
a. just ignore it.
b. to fall asleep first. If I’m in deep enough I won’t wake up.
c. for my partner to go sleep on a cot at the bus depot.

Mostly A’s: 
Your denial of your partner's issues devotion to your partner is nothing short of saintly.  Such dedication is the stuff of, if not, classic love stories, then Lifetime movies, where a loyal lover learns that her partner is trafficking bootleg Midol-laced hooch. 

Mostly B’s
You may be unhappy with the nighttime construction site lying next to you, yet you’ve decided to deal with your feelings while accepting your cruel fate. Apparently that degree in martyrdom might not have been too lucrative, but it sure has come in handy Still, you might want to start a kickstarter fund for your therapy sessions STAT. 

Mostly C’s
A temperament worthy of a champion cage fighter and lack of sleep have made you a ticking time bomb.  Your rabid hatred of snoring could easily have you rocking an orange jumpsuit.  And wouldn’t it be ironic if your cellmate SNORED?! Hahahahahaha!!!!


  1. A snoring partner isn't what we asked for. You can actually have them some anti-snoring mouthpiece. You can ask your doctor of a tried and tested one.

  2. Sadly, I am a firm C. Orange is the new sleep.

    1. I am a C too. Definitely. Orange is the new sleep. Love that!


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