Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Lies, Scary Mommy and a Giveaway!





Jill Smoker (a.k.a. Scary Mommy) has a fabulous new book out: Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies), and it got me to thinking...What was my biggest misconception about motherhood?

It was definitely discipline, which I was certain would be a breeze for me.  As a no-nonsense dance teacher, surely I'd have no problem keeping my own children in line.  Mothers who let their children get the best of them were overindulgent pushovers, so concerned with being liked by their children that they were just asking for a kid who was lazy and obnoxioius, if not rocking a government-issue orange jumpsuit someday.

I would use nonverbal cues and carefully chosen, yet firm words.  I would impose time outs and other appropriate consequences-- things that respected my own dignity as a parent, as well as my children's need to be understood and navigate clearly delineated boundaries.

Unfortunately once my kids were old enough to commit ACTS -- naughty or dangerous or otherwise unacceptable ACTS -- of their own free will, I realized I had been looking at things through rose colored wine glasses.

Discipline is fricking difficult, and it does not come naturally.  

All moms have a look, right?  The look that means not only stop doing what you're doing, but stop thinking what you're thinking.  Apparently my look made me look  hilarious, like Grimace wearing a Farrah Fawcett wig.  Even at 18 months of age, my kids giggled mockingly at my stern warning face and resumed their mischief making.  Time outs, and all the resultant chasing and hauling the kicking and screaming offender back to his room resulted in my getting the equivalent of 45 minutes on a treadmill set at incline = Himalayas.  And my calmly reasoned words morphed from measured calm to sarcasm, then from desperate threats (that had little chance of being enforced) to prison-riot style shouting.  

Somehow I thought that good moms had discipline in their bones.  Maybe they'd gotten an injection for it with the epidural.  Or maybe in the 70s and 80s we kids just feared our parents more.  My mom's "look" was an automatic cease and desist signal, unlike my hilarious expression that made my toddlers think, "Bitch, you must be joking."  Where I got the idea that discipline was easy, I'll never know, and I wish someone had smacked that idea right out of my head at regular intervals beginning with my 8-week ultrasound. 

For another vicious lie, head over to Anna’s awesome blog, Random Handprints, where THEY told her putting a baby and a toddler to sleep in the same room was a cinch. I'll side with Anna -- that's one of the greatest myths in motherhood ever.  

Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies) is a must read in the Mommy canon, and you have to get yourself a copy! It is therapy, like a conversation with a witty and wise friend. You definitely want to be the first mom at the playground/at soccer practice/at the dance studio waiting room to be reading this book.

So, because, as we all know, motherhood is about winning, Anna, the rockstar blogger at Random Handprints, and I are giving you the opportunity to win one of two copies of Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies). 

To enter, let us know in the Rafflecopter form below what was the most vicious lie you were told about motherhood?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

You can also earn extra entries by following Mom's New Stage, Random Handprints and Scary Mommy on Facebook and Twitter!

And don’t forget to visit Scary Mommy for regular doses of Jill as well guest posts from some of the hottest mommy bloggers around.  Hilarious lists such as 10 Reasons Newborns are Evil and 7 Ways to Keep the Mystery in Your Marriage explore the good, bad and the "what the @$%& happened to my life?!!!" of motherhood.  And psst, don't forget to check the comments...

Good luck!  And if you don't win, remember, laughter is thy medicine.  Get yourself (and your friends) a copy of Motherhood Comes Naturally (and Other Vicious Lies) on Amazon!


33 comments:

  1. I can't wait to see what kind of comments people leave! Besides hearing that breastfeeding is easy, the worst lies are the ones I told myself. Mostly about the discipline and the yelling. Oops!

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    1. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who yells, especially when she told herself she'd be more Mary Poppins than Mommy Dearest....

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  2. I just remember when I had my first the pediatrician told me not to take my baby out in public/near people for *2 whole months*. I about went insane! I've since never heard anyone keep the baby under wraps for 8 weeks. Maybe 4, 6 tops!

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    1. 8 weeks! Wow, that's something! I hope your child was born in the middle of a North Dakota winter.

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  3. On demand feeding and sleeping. That was the worst 6 months of my life.

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    1. Yeah, didn't work for me either at all. I have a gash in my bedroom wall from throwing my Sigg Bottle to prove it. Waking up every hour will do that to a gal.

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  4. I'd love to win this for a friend; I'm not a mom yet, though I do have a niece and nephew. It's not a lie, but something people don't TELL moms is that you won't always like your kid. It's important to know you aren't a failure or something is necessarily wrong. You can love them, but not always like them.

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    1. This is a great point, one that no one likes to admit. Did you see that article by that woman who wrote that her kids were the biggest regret of her life? Good luck winning - this would be such a fab gift for your friend!

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  5. I SO agree with this post! Before I had kids, I was one of those a-holes who would see moms with their kids acting up in stores, and I would think, "Oh my GAWSH, my kids will NEVER act like that." At least I had the decency to not say it or give them any dirty looks. Thank God that's not in my nature. Then I had kids and stayed home part-time and got to know lots of moms, and I got it. We do the best we can, and sometimes it just doesn't matter: There are going to be meltdowns. Now I never judge; I smile and silently thank the other kid for acting up b/c it gives my kids something that holds their interest so THEY don't act up. Haha. On another note: Jill Smokler rocks! One of the kindest bloggers I've had the privilege of talking to, and I am so buying the new book and sharing it on my post tomorrow!

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    1. Sometimes it just doesn't matter... - exactly. And some days there will be 3 or 4 meltdowns, which are the days I wish I had an empty padded room in my house. Make that two, one for the kid(s) and one for me.

      Jill is definitely one of the nicest bloggers ever. Anything I can do to help her is totes happening.

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  6. Biggest surprise?

    That it was permanent.

    I kind of thought it was like college or something...

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    1. HA! I agree. I had always babysat/nannied. I thought it was like that but just longer. That makes plenty of sense, right?

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  7. LOVE it. So true. Discipline is super hard and now I finally understand the comment, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." I always thought that was impossible b/4 kids. But I think you are on to something when you say, our parents were feared more. I think they were, & I'd like to bring fear back. I don't think kids really do take their parents seriously b/c of all the garbage on TV w/ snotty kids & with our culture catering to children like it does.

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    1. That statement is so true. I hate seeing their sad faces and feeling like I'm doing something to them instead of teaching them. Kids do not take their parents seriously to the point I daresay it's almost the reverse - parents are afraid of the reaction and effects of imposing consequences for poor behavior.

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  8. The biggest lie I was told was "Oh it will all just come naturally for you". I had never had a newborn before! I had never had to care for one all day by myself while my husband was at work. Nothing came naturally to me. It freaked me out.

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  9. That breastfeeding is easy!! It hard, painful, and not entirely fun! They lied to me, haha! momlovesdeals at gmail dot com

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  10. I was told it would be easier than it was! Ugh! its been serious problems with one of my kids! But totally worth it!

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  11. That it is so easy and you have so much time to yourself.

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  12. that dirty diapers would not be bad my kids lays some serious stinky stuff

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  13. Good moms don't let their kids watch much tv....yeah, I wish that was the case over here.

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  14. I think that I could repeat any one of these comments and that would be my experience. Maybe the new one that I could add is that the clothing sizes match the age of the child. I have 3 year olds that wear a size 5.

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  15. Biggest lie--once you see your baby you will forget about all the labor pain you went through. Not that it wasn't worth every bit of pain--but I'll never forget it!

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  16. I think it was that "don't worry, it'll all come naturally. Mom's just know."
    Well, I didn't know then, and I still don't! LOL
    Every child is different, and each day brings with it new challenges and decisions. THAT is what I told my son & Daughter in law!

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  17. The biggest lie was you will forget your labor pain after the baby is born. When I was pregnant with my second I was scared to death of the pain but I was told that it gets easier and that was the truth. at least for me.

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  18. The biggest lie I was told was that it gets easier as they get older-it doesn't it just different challenges. I also wish someone told me with my first child about what happens to your body after birth.

    bblanto4@hotmail.com

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  19. It's easy to breast feed!!!!!
    Allison.bahr@yahoo.com

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  20. I was told parenting twins was as easy as a singleton. Man I wanted to beat the woman who told me that! Until you have multiples, do not give advise on it. a toddler and a baby are not the same as twins! ok done with rant lol

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  21. I was told that if you don't breastfeed you are a bad mother.... um ok

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  22. That it would be instinctual! Yeah, right!

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  23. I remember my dad telling me "when you have kids it won't be as easy to pick up and go." I remember telling him, "It won't be a problem for us Dad. We have TWO diaper bags. I'll just always leave one by the door, packed up and ready to go."

    While I was feeling like the brightest soon-to-be-mom in the room, he must have been thinking I was a huge idiot. Like the biggest problem parents ever had was a diaper bag without diapers in it? I really was the idiot in that conversation, but fortunately he never reminded me of that conversation.

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  24. That once the kids get older you don't worry as much! My oldest is 23 & I still worry about her as much as I worry about my 9 yr.old!!

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