Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Fragmented Thoughts of a Run-on Mind

Why is it that I laughed with wicked glee (Mooo-ha-ha-ha-ha!) as I made my way through my son's Halloween candy, but eating his Christmas chocolate seems just plain wrong?

I think people would be a lot more careful about what they said in the comments section if they had to include their street address, phone number and a passport worthy photo.  Yes,  this is a note to self.

The first day I got my basic Kindle I tried to change the screen by touching it.  Gimme a break, I'd gotten my Ipod touch the week before!

My kids are 3 and 18 months and I just had my first "I-ran-a-pull-up-through-the-washer" incident.  Not sure if it was clean or peed-in.  Is this indicative of the fact that I'm doing pretty well (for example, surely some people do that the day Baby comes home from the hospital) or that I'm a steaming hot mess who was bound to do that, if not worse, sooner or later?

My poor little girl has had one playdate of her own by now, and most of her toys and clothes are hand me downs.  ( Hey! A lot of those hand me downs are gorgeous and were never worn!) Still, I fear that one day she will find out and shove me into a clothing drop-off bin.  

Before I had kids I loathed Lunchables.  Then I made too many half-assed lunches at midnight and I UNDERSTOOD.  Hell to the no, I would never purchase them, but I now look upon them and their fans with compassion.  

Does anyone else have to be having muscle cramps and a migraine before realizing, "I'm a bit parched. Maybe I should hydrate before pieces of my thighs begin to dry up and fall off."  (Hmmmm... an alternative to lipo?)

The "Hottest Woman of All Time"  Really?  Thank you Men's Health Magazine.  No offense to the winner, Jennifer Aniston, but truly, gentlemen (and I use the term loosely), you have reached a new low.  

Will someone please explain the Kardashians to me?  I just don't get why any of us should give a flick. 

Riley:  Can I go to Grandaddy's birthday party?
Me:  Honey, when you are an old man you don't really have a birthday party.
Riley (outraged):  I don't want to be an old man, I want to be a new man!

1 comment:

  1. I just had to laugh about two-thirds of the way through this post. I bought my first Lunchable last week! B was dying to bring one to school, and I was scheduled for jury duty and was consumed with guilt for making him stay so long at school. Definitely wouldn't buy those all of the time, but what a nice treat for myself that i didn't have to make lunch! And for me, the realization that I'm dehydrated usually comes at the same time I realize I haven't pooped in a few days. Nice, right?


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