Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Quiz Show: Having Guests Your Way








We were entertaining guests at home this past Saturday, and preparations for the visit threw me into a state of insanity.  I barked orders at everyone.  It was like I was filming two simultaneous infomercials:  How to Declutter Your Home and How to Completely Terrorize and Alienate Your Family In a Mere Matter of Hours.

Of course, we got the place looking better than it’s looked in a long time (why couldn’t we do that just for ourselves?!!!!) and had an amazing time with our friends, dear friends  we’ve rarely seen since we had kids. 

Just like every other time we have people over, I wished I didn’t have to get so off my pins when it comes to entertaining. 

Is that normal?

Or is it just me?

So help me out, folks – answer my burning questions and take my quiz!

Your entertaining style most closely resembles _______ .
a.    Friends
b.    Downton Abbey
c.    Sanford and Son

The food served is usually ________ .
a.    comfort food - a tried and true recipe.
b.    some four course deliciousness – a complex recipe I have slaved over.
c.    um, a frozen dinner, meaning a dinner from last month that I froze.  Do I freakin' look like a contestant from Top Chef?

Most of the time, the condition of my home is _______ .
a.    with a few odds and ends out of place – just in need of a routine straightening up.
b.    like the “after” version of an HGTV renovation.
c.    like a pack of wild boars ate my family and took up residence in our stead.

If you selected c in the prior question, your likely approach would be to ________ .
a.    clean up as best you can.  If these people are true friends they’ll look beyond your home’s shortcomings.
b.    take everyone out to a nice restaurant to compensate for my inability to entertain in my home.
c.    to host Ray Charles Night, where the lights are out, guests are given dark glasses, and “Hit the Road, Jack” is played at a subtle, if not subliminal, level.

If a guest were to open your closet doors she’d be ___________.
a.    looking at a place to store the usual, along with some things that always seem to be out of place.
b.    amazed!  For a time, I saw the dudes from California Closets more than my husband.
c.    on her way to the hospital because a bowling ball/iron/bonnet dryer from 1957 burst from a shelf and gave her a concussion.

The following statement applies to you in terms of your entertaining M.O:
a.    Mi casa es su casa.
b.    I am the Queen. Welcome to my castle.
c.    Don’t let the door hitcha on the way out.

You see your guests as ______________ .
a.   one of the family.
b.    celebrities who deserve royal treatment.
c.    the help.  Hello?  Guests should leave a place better than they found it.

After dinner guests are likely to ______________ .
a.    adjourn to the living room for desserts and more wine.
b.    feel like they ate way better than in most restaurants.
c.    be driving the porcelain bus.

If a friend seems unimpressed by your d├ęcor and menu, you ______________.
a.    wish she were more understanding.  You have kids and a job -- something had to give. 
b.    tell yourself she’s a dollar-store addict who wouldn’t know good taste if it kicked her flabby butt.
c.    wholeheartedly agree.  Only a fugitive from a third world prison would admire your hospitality.

If you picked mostly A:
Straight Down to Earth.  Not a speck of pretension in ya.  Your home is not a photo shoot, it is rather, a place to live in, a place for comfort. You want it looking good, but you don’t have to put on the ol’ razzle dazzle.  A home gets dirty.  Things get old.  And anyone who can’t understand that can take out their judgmental eyes and stuff ‘em.   What’s enviable, you ask?  Your perspective. 

Mostly B:
I Want Diamonds on My Perfect.  Wow, lady, how do you do it?!  Is it effortless?  Does it all come naturally? Or do you spend hours agonizing about how to impress everyone?  Everything is beautiful in your world, and one thing we all know is beautiful is a lot of work.  We have to ask - do you feel like your life would turn into an episode of Hoarders if you relaxed JUST. A. LITTLE?


Mostly C:
Think Outside the Refrigerator Box. There are dung beetles that take more pride in their surroundings.  Honestly!  You don’t have to be Martha Stewart, but living worse than Cro-Magnon man gives us serious misgivings about your psyche.  Not to mention physical health and hygiene.  Clean it up. Decorate.  Take some pride in your surroundings.  Sharing your home, and a little of your life with others will do you some good.  Really, it will. 

So, dear readers, I know where I fall in this quiz.  (Hint: it's between two.) What kind of hostess are you?




 








14 comments:

  1. I felt like that recently, lol. I had a play date at my house and I had just finished cleaning out closets which meant that my house really did look like some wild boars had run through it. I am sure my family thought that I was running on border line cruelty, making them work their fingers to the bone.
    Anyway, I got a kick out of your quiz, I got mostly A's, but had a few B's which speaks to my perfectionism and a C which speaks to my disorganization, can those two go together? Well, in my world they do! LOL
    www.thetriplebs.com

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  2. Glad you liked the quiz! I feel like C, am pretty much an A (or would be if I had some Lexapro) and have given up on being B, although I'd like to be, which is the trouble...
    Off to check out your site!

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  3. I'm a strong A and occasionally a C. I rarely host but when I do, I'm all about people feeling "at home". That means the house has to look at home. I find that the perfect home makes guests too uncomfortable - they don't want to mess things up. (at least that's what I tell myself)

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    1. Good point! There are some homes where you feel like the host wants you to admire, but not necessarily enjoy. That was my late aunt, may she rest in peace. She had a gorgeous, well make that seriously clean, home, but I used to cry if I spilled anything, because she'd FREAK OUT. How's that for hospitality?

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  4. Awesome! I'm a/c. Now to share . . .

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  5. Love it! I am mostly A's, a couple B's. I don't like to pull out the razzle dazzle, however that depends on our relationship status. Are you a good friend? C'mon in and don't trip over the dog. Are you a work acquaintance of the hubs? Shit, I have been cleaning all day and hope you don't look under a couch cushion that I just realized as you sat, I haven't cleaned under since 1968. I want you to feel at home. I only cook a tried and true, simple, no frills meals. I have actually gotten where I prefer to entertain at the last minute so that I can't treat my family like they are in a prison camp. I like a last minute wine and cheese on my patio, weather permitting, of course. This way I can't screw up the recipe, don't make excuses for any clutter in my den and there is supposed to be dust outside, right? Also, I always start having wine before the guest arrive so that I am more relaxed and according to my better half, lovable.

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    Replies
    1. Melanie, for the razzle dazzle I'd have to have a complete home renovation! Last minute is often best, because if it's last minute, it's probably someone you know too well to care about impressing. And yeah, totally, the more you drink the less you care!

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    2. I'm the kind of hostess who rushes around the house, to make it look pretty! And I take extra care to make sure the bathroom smells nice. Then I pull out my pretty tea cups I found at the thrift shop, and make sure the house smells welcoming and of coffee.

      When my guest comes I offer them a nice cup of coffee, and then I start talking with them and forget to play the hostess…So I start out great, and then I kind of forget.

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  6. For the longest time I would take that trip into crazy hostess mode trying to get ready for company. My guys would all scatter only to hear me calling them moments later to help. Then it just hit me a few years ago. The people that come to our home know who we are and how we live so that craziness had to go. So now I tidy up which is a whole lot different that before.

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  7. I always do the same thing when we have guests. I was mostly A's, but for sure a "c" on the hospital bit! That was hilarious :)

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    1. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone! I guess there wouldn't be things like California Closets if they weren't a potential deathtrap!

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  8. Keesha... first off... GREAT POST!!! Soooo.... have you been documenting me when I get ready to entertain or what!? LOL!! Actually I am laughing hysterically. Although I was mostly A's, there were some B's and a few C's... HELP! LOL!! Seriously... I do it every time and I would do it again... However, I wish I would get just as motivated just for me, when I come home. Blessings to you and yours!

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  9. This is an awesome post idea!! Great job!! I'm a neat freak and a control freak, guess we know where I fall? :)

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  10. How did I miss this post?! Hilarious! Though I answered mostly A, I do flip out trying to get the casa in order before a party. My house isn't atrocious, but it isn't exactly the way I would like it either. Sometimes you have to let go of a little 'control' for sanity sake... and proper sleep. :)

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