Monday, November 5, 2012

The #1 Workout for Moms: MOMSANITY


Lift a child into her bed 15 times in 20 minutes.

Carrying more than the average Australian backpacker, leave the house 4 times because you can't seem to remember key items.  Like SHOES.  

Hold a plank pose for 3 minutes instead of tackling Hubby for his failure to clean up/parent/complete a task in an acceptable manner.  

Do a 1-minute wall sit for every time a request to your children gets no acknowledgment whatsoever.  

Cook 3 separate meals, because everyone has persnickety dietary requests.  

Carry 2 children weighing a minimum total of 50 pounds, kicking and screaming, out of the playground and down the street.

Sprint after an 18-month old whose "Run, Forrest!" response to being on his own two feet on the sidewalk might lead him right into heavy traffic. 

Because you can't remember exactly what you came for, but you seem to need everything, push an approximately 250-lb double Target stroller in circles around that colossus of a store 4 times.  

Club dance for 30 minutes to Yo Gabba Gabba even though your kids are pleading with you to stop.  Dance even more furiously both to annoy them and because this movement catharsis is the only thing standing between you and a total emotional collapse.

Clean up the house 7-10 times a day. Be sure to do multiple cat/cow stretches as you pick up underneath the table.  That shaded buffet* can get nasty!

Maneuver a 50-lb stroller through a 20-lb door.  Work those abs with deep breathing to combat your fury that no one is lifting a fucking finger to help.  





3 comments:

  1. Okay, this post is totally appropriate for where I am right now. Are our brains merging? I think so. And damn, girl, you look fierce in that photo! Holy cow! And I HAVE done the cathartic insane dancing method before. That desperate kind that makes me feel like one of those crazy people that have taken too many drugs and are flapping around on the brink of an overdose. Freaks the kids out. Every. Time. But at least it buys me some quiet time afterwards! Great post!

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  2. This is great! I swear I burn 1,000 calories a day just carrying my chunky baby.

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