Thursday, January 3, 2013

A Lesson from Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter
Photo: Gage Skidmore courtesy Flickr




I'm not some black woman who wants to rock blonde hair and blue eyes.  I could buy those and wear 'em if I wanted to look like a total nutcase. But looks aside, I'd love to be a little more like Ann Coulter.

I said it.

I do.

I’m not going to call her names, and I completely understand that she says things that are inaccurate, insensitive, and downright hateful.  Simply because she can.  She has a platform and the more hateful her verbal-spew the more attention she gets.

So why aside from the fact that I would probably run through four lanes of heavy traffic to be in the spotlight would I want to be like this viper woman?

Because she says what she means.  Without apology. If you don’t like it, tough titties.  

Maybe it would surprise us all to know that every night Ms. Coulter sits at her kitchen table stuffing her hurt with cupcakes and wine, tearing at her golden tresses, wondering “WHY COULDN’T I HAVE GIVEN A MORE NUANCED OPINION?!  WHY AM I SO MISUNDERSTOOD?!  WHY DO THEY HATE ME SOOOOOOOOO?!!!!!”

As if.  The woman is a human Honey Badger.  She don’t give a shit. 

Ann Coulter would not let herself be patronized by a fellow parent, seethe inwardly, then go home and self-medicate via blogging.  She’d have the guy’s junk running down the street in a squirrel’s mouth.  When she catches heat for something, she defends herself to the death, turning the tables on her detractors for their stupidity and hypocrisy. 

Maddening, yet masterful.

By now you are saying, “Keesha, Keesha, Keesha. First of all, she does care what people think. Why else would she look like a Barbie doll? Furthermore, you don’t want to be nasty like that!  You are empathetic and a good compromiser!  That’s what makes you you!  You see both sides of an issue.  You care what people think.”

The thing is, Ann has separated being pretty from being liked.  She is not afraid to be the dreaded bitch.  Like many women, I care way, way too much about how people see me.  And dancing, as much as I love it, hasn’t helped.  Trying to gain the attention and admiration of teachers, choreographers and casting directors.  Trying not to offend.  Trying to get myself to believe the skinny mirror.  And not to believe the fat one.  My reflection, my review, and the applause (or lack thereof) have often defined my self-image. 

Defined everything. 

So, no, no, no, I’m not saying want to be a ruthless racist, homophobic, elitist, hyper-conservative harpy (Did I say no name calling? Sorreeee...)  But, Annie, despite the fact you have said so many things I despise, I am in awe of you.  You are no one’s doormat.  You are not there to make nice.  Help the rest of us who over-care what others think reach at least the cavalier middle. Teach a course.  Design some pills.  Next time I get a negative comment, or get stepped on by someone I have to see regularly,  I really, really want to be able to get my Ann Coulter on.

Or Honey Badger.  Same diff.


13 comments:

  1. Ann Coulter has GOT to feel some measure of regret or shame from the various things she's said in confidence. But she does stick to her guns. I think to be like that and maintain a "clear" conscience you have to turn off the parts of your brain that feel pain and empathy. And you're too sweet for that :)

    But maybe Ann Coulter style in small doses would alleviate some misery. Sometimes.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Hilary! And thanks for knowing I'm a good person. I do mean in small doses, and I DO NOT want to be such a horrible person. I'm just sick of being so sensitive about everything all the time.

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  2. Thank you, Carol! I'm so glad you got what I was talking about.

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  3. If Ann Coulter were a 1/64th of the lady you are, it would be her damn lucky day. I think you're confusing Honey Badger-ish-ness with soullessness. ;) You have a lot of heart and soul. And, this piece was great! Well written, funny, a little shocking. All the good stuff. xo

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    1. Thanks soooo much, BPM. You make a great point about the soullessness, smart lady. A great point! xoxo

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  4. Wow. There are so many things I love about this post. I bet you live your life without apologies... because you probably have a lot fewer things to apologize for than Ann Coulter should!

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    1. I don't have many big apologies - like to everyone who isn't a Glenn Beck follower - it's true, but I feel like I should be making little ones - which is my problem and I think many women's. Thanks for commenting, Kylie!

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  5. I think she would probably take less heat (and probably not get as much attention), if she were a man. You are right about the "bitch" part! Very, very interesting post!

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    1. That is a great point, Rachel. Wish we could put her in drag and find out. Ha! Thanks for visiting!

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  6. I had to open this one to see where the hell you were going with this. I see what you're saying, but I do think she cares what people think of her. A lot. She manipulates the media and says the most hateful and awful things just so they'll focus on her and help her sell more hate-filled books. She's just a soundbite. I don't think she gives an honest opinion. She just takes the most extreme approach she can find just so the spotlight stays firmly on her Skeletor face. She thrives on being called a bitch. God forbid you call her fluffy or warm and she would lose all her credibility.

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    1. Thanks, Jen. Great points. She absolutely cares in terms of cultivating an image. But most of us would be incapable of saying such shit either to sell books or in order to be a hateful conservative bullshit puppet. We'd care too much about whose feelings we hurt, whom we angered, or we'd be ashamed that we were spewing inanities. That she doesn't care one iota about. And that part, the not caring about being liked, (when used by the right person for the right reason) is a pretty fucking valuable M.O.

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  7. Keesha, I know what you mean--there would be something so freeing about just unleashing. What a waste that her strong voice spews from such a nasty place...

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    1. Exactly, Meredith. Unleashing and not caring about all the details of who would be offended by what. I know she's all shock, but I still say that she loves being a bitch - and it takes a special animal to be able to do that.

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