Monday, July 1, 2013

So You Think You Wanna Mommy Blog?

To enter you must:
  • See the world in terms of blog posts.  Whatever you see or hear, whether it be a neighbor lady wearing, with no irony whatsoever, Hammer pants at the playground, or some so-and-so bragging about her 18-month-old Einstein/Mozart/Jeter, you cannot see straight ‘til you’ve blogged about it!

  • While simultaneously cooking, holding a child and doing a toy re-org, be able to write posts of 300-500 words that will make moms either laugh until they pee themselves or sob until catatonic.

  • Churn out Facebook posts, tweets, and pins, etc. that say “come hither” better than a naked hussy in a whorehouse window. 

  • Spend 5-6 hours a day at the computer, ignoring children, spouses, friends, paid work, housecleaning, and personal hygiene. 

  • Easily form close knit tribes with other mom bloggers, becoming a tight knit community, i.e. Sisters of the Web, with women you have never laid eyes on in person in your life.  

  • In real life, engage in just this side of shameless self-promotion of your blog using t-shirts, bumper stickers, baseball caps, business cards and even condoms (creativity counts!) featuring your blog logo.

  • Show skin thicker than an elephant when some humorless twat of a reader leaves a snide or downright insulting comment.

  • Rage into battle to unleash a mega can of whoop ass on trolls, self-righteous asshats, copycats and other negative commenters on behalf of blogging sisterhood.

  • Crave world domination, or at least your own line of smartphone cozies to be sold out of the trunk of your minivan.  

So you still think you wanna mommy blog?!

If you’ve got what it takes please send us links of your three best posts of no more than 437 words to

1 comment:

  1. Nailed it! Particularly like "Hammer Pants" & “come hither” better than a naked hussy in a whorehouse window."

    Only 5-6 hours?


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