Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Hell is Dressing My Daughter




It happened as soon as I knew I was having a girl.  

The fantasies of ballet lessons, mommy-daughter mani-pedis, and of course the clothes.  

It wasn't that I didn't enjoy buying clothes for my firstborn son, it was just that the color palette was so limited!  Sure boy clothes were cute, but from hipster to prep, everything looked like the miniature version of what a casually dressed grown man would wear, save maybe a conspiracy theorist hoarder.

Maybe. 

But the mere thought of girls' clothes made me giddy.  The colors! In addition to the primaries, secondaries and neutrals were all the pinks, aquas, lavenders and peaches.  And the fabulous prints!  Add to that the bows, ruffles, tulle, ribbon, rickrack and eyelet that a grown woman had to indulge in sparingly, if not abandon altogether.  The military style jackets, moto boots and cargo pants that added an edge to all the girly - telling the world, "I may be feminine, playful, and polite, but I am a FORCE with which to be reckoned, you hear?" 

I could not wait to dress my little angel up.  With her in my belly, I would go to Baby Gap to shop for Mr. R or buy a gift, and it was all I could do not to buy the entire girls' section. Practically weeping over the adorableness of it all, I'd finger the dresses and leggings longingly, overcome by visions of my modish girlchild and I having high tea at the Drake Hotel. I satisfied my hunger by getting a few irresistible items.  With these impulse purchases, in addition to the beautiful hand-me downs I had scored from a few stylish friends and their fashionistettes, my little girl was SET.

Things went well for a while. My daughter wore what I wanted her to wear. It turned out that she was mostly in pajamas and onesies, but every now and then I had to put her in something fabulous so it wouldn’t be outgrown. A few times she looked red-carpet ready even though she was only in her Jumperoo.  

Around her second birthday, she developed a few favorites.  No biggie. Totally manageable.

Then, a few months ago, it all came to a screeching halt.  What fresh new hell was this?

It was dressing my daughter.  

That adorable Tea Collection dress? The one that cost more than many things I've bought myself recently? No. The crewcuts top? The one that I bought her instead of buying myself something?  Scorned like a vegan looking at a rack of ribs.  My attempts to pull the garments over her head produced bloodcurdling screams and thrashing that could only be bested by an Upper East Side socialite being strong-armed into a Walmart dress.  I kept trying. The protests continued.  I begged. I pleaded.  I bribed and bargained. I used a withering sarcasm reserved for unhelpful customer service agents.  

Finally I gave up.  It was over.  I would pick her outfits no more. 

We had moved into the stage where my lovely daughter would create her own fashion statements, choosing clothes that made her feel happy. Comfortable. Pretty. Good about herself.  

Unfortunately, this trend made me feel disorganized and pissy. It often made me - us - late in the mornings.  And it also made me feel insecure. Incredibly so. I really needed my daughter to provide me with some much, much needed fashion cred, so that folks didn't think I shopped at Crap Sixth Avenue and Urban Misfitters.  

Hope sprung eternal, however -- just think toddler eating -- and every day I thought "maybe now she'll accept my suggested outfits." Nope. Almost always shot down. I had to get it through my thick head that, while some of it was two-year old rebellion, my daughter was going to wear what she wanted to wear.  

She was her own girl. She was not a doll. And I was not auditioning for stylist on a preschool version of Gossip Girl.  

As annoying as it is, this Mommy-don't-pick-my-clothes thing is good.  A compliant child is definitely something I'd like to experience more often than I currently get to, but God, how boring would that be?  And if I did have a little Miss Docile, I'd wonder where we went wrong, and how to inject her with some bad-ass juice to avoid her being the doormat of friends, colleagues, and eventually significant others.  

So my new M.O. is grit my teeth, and let Lady A pick out her clothes.  I leave her alone to get dressed and pray that what she comes out wearing won’t make me want to grand jeté out the window. Now that I know her preferences (this era will be known as Purple Reign) I can buy things I know she'll like.  I will launder her favorite things often.  Soon I might dare to take her shopping and let her choose some things for herself.  

And when she is a teenager and asks for a pricey pair of shoes?

I'll gasp and say, "I have a pair of classic Uggs!  They're yours from when you were two and were worn twice.  Enjoy!"




19 comments:

  1. My 2-1/2-year-old daughter picks out some cringe-worthy combinations but she's so proud of herself that I can't bring myself to try and change her mind. We live in India, where little girls to go preschool and Gymboree in princess party dresses rather than play clothes, so even in her nicest washable, comfortable cotton knits, we are the slob family.

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    1. Stephanie feeling like the fashion-free, slob family is no fun. But you are a good mommy for encouraging her free-spiritedness. Hopefully she'll retain her own sense of style when all the girls must have some ridiculous item 13 years from now!

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  2. I loved your take on this topic! I also have a daughter with a closet full of adorable, ignored pieces. When I realized it was time to give up that battle, I hid the things I really hated, packed away those things that were seasonally inappropriate, and let her loose. She's happy, I'm happy, and her style has developed.

    Great read!

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    1. Thanks! This is a great strategy! Now if only my girl would put on her kooky outfits faster! Then I'd be not just happy, but ecstatic.

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    2. I also hide the clothes people gift her that I hate. They go straight into the "charity" pile.

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    3. Wise, Stephanie! One kid's trash is another's treasure...

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  3. Aww, she looks cute even if the Hello Kitty hat is on backwards. My daughter was a total pain in the a$$ when it came to dressing (still is) but she didn't start as early as yours. I could dress her until she was about five. Finally, to cut down on the anguish, arguments & wasted money, I decided to buy her 7 outfits only - just enough to get through a whole week.

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    1. Thanks lady. I wanted to keep her somewhat anonymous (although she's all over this blog), hence the backwards action. I like the 7 outfit plan. Totally brill!

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  4. HA HA HA! The ending made me laugh out loud!! I so relate to this...my younger daughter is VERY particular about her clothes and is not afraid to assert her will! ;)

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    1. Thanks. This will serve our daughters well someday, I know, but it makes for some monster arguments. What are we in for when they're teens?

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  5. Ugh, I unfortunately remember this stage all too well. At some point, I just had to let go and allow her to make her own ill-fashioned decisions. We had the opposite problem, in that she wanted to wear summer dresses in winter, without pants, and then endure the argument of why it wasn't weather-appropriate. For what it's worth, that phase didn't last too long. We usually pull out two outfit choices that she has to pick from, which also helps.

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    1. Ah, the giving them choices. I thought that would be a nice compromise. Sometimes it works, but most of the time, she's like "Those choices can suck it, lady. I prefer to style myself, you dig?"

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  6. My daughters also started dressing themselves young - though my son will let me pick out whatever I want for him to wear (not that it's as fun!).

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    1. Two is young isn't it? I have the same deal with my son. It is just too easy. And when your wardrobe is composed almost entirely of jeans and solid color tops (that fit properly) you'd have to be pretty creative to screw things up!

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  7. That's a really hard stage. Hopefully she will go through it very soon. She looks adorable :)



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  8. Wow, this dress is wonderful and to think you regenerated it from another outfits. What an ideal outfits to discover. I am going to look for something like it so I can create one for my huge little woman. I developed her a bed for Xmas and she liked it.Now I should create some outfits.

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