How to Make New Year's Resolutions You'll Stick To

New Year's is different these days. 

I'm over 40.  I don't go buy a sexy new outfit.  I don't strut around wearing next to nothing in weather that makes penguins wish they had coats.  I don't pay $400 to go to some yuppie truckstop where epic battles are waged to get a drink.  

And I don't make New Year's resolutions.

I've had too many years where I swore that I was going to go on a diet, only to have, by January 4, downed a pint of Ben and Jerry's Lardass Swirl.  With my bare hands.

Then I started making more generous and affirmative, new-agey kind of resolutions.  Things like:

"I will accept my body's needs. I will view food as something to enjoy instead of something with which to plug the mouse holes in my emotional foundation.  I will enjoy food in moderation."

And then once again, by January 11, I had consumed enough cheddar bunnies to give a box to every man, woman and child in China. 

Clearly, my New Year's resolutions were broken.

So this year, none of that stuff for me.  Resolutions are not a do-over.  

Resolutions are are about making fundamental changes in your approach -- changes that will result in lasting benefit.  

Below are six examples of two approaches to resolution making, and the sad (and actually somewhat angry and self-destructive) outcome.    

Badass:  I will eat less, work out like it's my job, and have a body like Gisele/Halle Berry/Beyoncé.
New Agey:  I will view food as nourishment, while accepting my body for what it is.
F--k It:  I will treat my body like a temple, meaning I will feed it like it was big enough to have its own address.

Badass: I will get my children on a schedule and to be more respectful of their parents, our rules, and our home.
New Agey: I will stop comparing myself to those "together" moms with their organized lives and compliant children.  I'll accept our family's M.O.
F--k it:  Imma let shit get all Lord of the Flies up in here.

Badass: I'll finally turn my blog into a popular moneymaker.

New Agey: I'll stop the social media insanity and just enjoy writing. 

F--k It: I'm going to set every apple in the house on fire, including the kind I can eat, and then launch them out the window.  

Badass: I will dress fashionably, like I care about my appearance instead of like someone who got dressed out of the Goodwill bin.

New Agey: I must understand that my clothes do not define me.

F--k It: I'll let my broke-ass freak flag fly by rockin' some barrels and burlap sacks. 

Badass: I must make my house look like something straight out of an HGTV staging.

New Agey:  I have to realize that a house where there is life cycles through order and chaos.

F--k It:  I'm going for a kind of Fred Sanford meets Hoarders look in my home.  

Badass: I will be a master of time management.  The clock will be my bitch!!

New Agey: I resolve to leave more time to get places, knowing that some circumstances are outside my control.

F--k it: I'll never arrive on time anywhere again, excluding the toilet.   

Now, seriously.

I had to poke some fun at the whole resolution thing, because it is tempting to think of that new year as a blank slate, meaning that somehow we should be able to be restored to factory settings.  

Unfortunately humans have no such setting.  

We are the sum of our past, and yet we are capable of overcoming great setbacks and loss.  

The problem is imposing things on ourselves.  Kelly Lydick, in Elephant Journal, advises us against "I will" and "I should."  She advocates in favor of "statements such as “I love feeling great in all my clothes,” or “I love how it feels to take a brisk walk with smoke-free lungs."  In words like that, our subconscious hears positive, motivating acknowledgement.

The other stuff -- the badass resolutions -- ARE, in fact, an invitation to your rebellious subconscious to just say f--k it, and to jump headlong into that bag of chips like it was a pool on a hot day.  

Food for thought, right?

So let's set our intentions on things that make us genuinely happy.  Let's not shame ourselves with our resolutions.  

Let's know that this year, our best self is already here.

Happy 2014, Dear Readers!

New Year's Resolutions: The Restore to Factory Settings Button

January 1 is like fresh snow, like a clean sheet of paper.  So much hope, so much promise, so much beauty, just lying there, waiting!

Inspired, we take a deep breath and begin our journey. 

Things go okay for a while. Proceed with caution, our inner voice says. Be mindful. We stamp evenly spaced footprints in the snow.  Our words start to flow.  We continue, gaining confidence, relying upon the skills, habits and experiences in our personal arsenal.  $#@%! We've made an “n” instead of an “m” and in trying to correct it wind up with an ugly lump of tar on our paper.  Some disgusting misfit of humanity has left his dog’s mess right there for decent people to step in and ruin our new shoes.

Forget it!  Crumple up the paper and toss it in the trash. Turn around and stomp on home. Self-medicate by over doing something that will only make us feel worse.  

What we really want on January 1 is a “RESTORE TO FACTORY SETTINGS” button for humans.    

And why not?  Wouldn’t it be fun if we could start from scratch every January 1, and every September too, which some of us regard as New Year’s lite?  If we could erase all the misinformed crap that has gotten us to our “mistakes?”  If at least to some extent we could reprogram the genes that might predestine certain behaviors or flaws?

But then we wouldn't be who we are.  Mistakes are what make us unique.  Perfection is overrated.  Some “mistakes” are part and parcel with gifts.  Think of the the messy person who is always improvising and thinking of new approaches to a problem.  The perfectionist on whom you can count to do things right.  

So with that in mind, here are the bugs I’d get rid on myself of if I had a factory reset button. Some things are reasonably easy fixes. Some are doable with a lot of focus and forgiveness.  Some would be tough, but worth it.  Some might make a better me, while also making me an insufferable, unrecognizable Stepford wife Pollyanna nightmare -- the type of person EVERYONE would wanna give a bitch slap.

Anyhoo, here's my list:

1. Eat better  - both more regularly and healthy food consistently, i.e., not be a kale, quinoa, sweet potato salad kinda gal one day, and a gummy bears and popcorn gal  the next.  Yes, I am a severely bipolar eater.
2. Go to bed at a decent hour.
3. Organize my time better so I am not always rushing, or late, and making my family crazy.
4. Become less volatile.
5. Live more in the present.
6. Take more dance classes (Pirouettes, I’m comin’ to getcha!)
7. Not beat myself up like crazy in dance classes!
8. Get this blog to take off.
9. Have a clean house.
10. Stop seeing my checkbook as a bottomless pit/mystery machine. 
11. Remember that though I may blog, my life offline is what matters.
12. Read more.  Offline.  Actual books.
13. Stop caring so much what people think.  Both negative comments on the blog and from assholes in the flesh.
14. Realize that being polite doesn't mean being uncomfortable or taking crap.  
15. Giving myself a break and accepting who I am.  (Hmmmm. Does that negate some of this list?)
16. Drink more water.
17. Be more of a roll-with-the-punches kind of gal.
18. Taking back the power from assholes, whether that means keeping my mouth shut or speaking up.  
19. Remember (thank you Sheryl Crow) that it's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you want.  Stop being an expert at "Compare and Despair."
20. Be a more consistent disciplinarian.  Take a deep breath. Count to 10. No more yelling.
21. Volunteering
22.  Spend more time planning classes.
23.  Better meal planning - avoid daily forays to HP Produce and Trader Joes
24.  Sit down more at home to read or even watch TV – without any Apple device near me.
25. Did I say I would have a clean house?  You'll agree that I need work in this department!  Check the post-playdate carnage at my friend Anna's blog, My Life and Kids!

I know I can't do all of these. But, I can do some of these at least some of the time.

And that might have to do.  

Mom’s New Stage wishes you abounding success in your quest to better yourself whether that means New Year's resolutions or not!  Celebrate small victories.  And remember this word. 

Perspective.