Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Slap That Mom

Don't slap me because
I'm patronizing.




As you know, I'm the first one to get all pissed off about champion mompetitors.


The ones who want to give you advice, while making sure to very heavily imply that you are an idiot.  The ones who want you to know that they are more together than you because they have on make-up/a nice outfit/hair that doesn't look like something from a Judy Blume novel.  The ones who want you to know that your child's clothing/hair (Oh yes, she did)/ behavior/skills/intellect are no match for those of her kid.


And perhaps the worst ones of all, are those who have been there before, patronizing a new mother's  concerns.


I hate those bitches.


So how was it that I found myself doing just that -- being THAT MOM?  Exactly the kind I'd like to give a Dynasty slap?


A colleague of mine, who is due in several weeks, asked a few of us veteran moms about organic crib mattresses.  Mind you that when I was shopping for Mr. R's crib mattress, I agonized over the same thing.  The thought of him breathing in god-knows-what made in some factory with the safety standards of an electric chair gave me the shakes.


We wound up settling on something in between, i.e. neither made of cancerous-upon-inhale poisons nor made of the pulp of the boola-boola tree from the deepest rainforest.


However, in a tone dripping with a cocktail of sympathy and condescension, I answered with, "Oh, you don't need an organic mattress!  Our homes are just loaded with toxins anyway!  We did got one with soy, I think. I don't think it makes much difference."


I know I just lost any chance of getting my "green" card then.  And I'm not even sure I believe that it doesn't make much difference.


What was wrong with me?  Was I trying to poo-poo her concerns, or was I trying to give her some perspective -- a reality check?  After all, I did have tons of friends whose kids sleep on run of the mill mattresses, i.e mattresses that did not cost as much as an Ipad, and the kids are fine.  There is so much to worry about, literally an endless barrage of concerns, that, once purchased, your kid's mattress usually comes out way low on the list.


But when you're pregnant, and you are just getting going on the Worry Superhighway, it's up there.


Even if we mean well, at some time we have all been that mom who deserves a slap.  Although, as we all know, hands are not for hitting.  Maybe we just need to give that mom a sign.  Something besides the finger.





10 comments:

  1. So true!! I try really hard not to give the patronizing smile. But I fail sometimes! Argh, I hate me when that happens.

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    1. I think sometimes it's because we realize how crazy it all gets, and it is kind of absurd. Also maybe we want to seem like someone's personal Oprah. Just my take on things...

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  2. It happens to the best of us and the worst of us. We too were once there, on the opposite side. After having children, we become a lot more genuine in our outbursts. You know, like when you tell your kid with a clenched smile that "no, you cannot jump out of that shopping cart." when you really want to yell that crap out! Sometimes I do, but still, you know what I mean, LOL! :)

    V.

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    1. Interesting point, Vanessa. That brings up the issue of yelling/scolding/discipline. I think that when we see a child being scolded harshly, hit, etc. in public that that is a good time to get patronizing, i.e. up on our soapbox, and skillfully, without further angering the parent, intervene on the child's behalf. Somehow without seeming judge-y, trying to diffuse the situation.

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  3. I suck at keeping that stuff in. I'm sure I've been at fault for passing on unwanted advice and appearing smug far more than I'd like to admit or intended.

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    1. We all have, but for what it's worth, I've never found you to be that way with me!

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  4. I try to be careful about this.. I'd like to think I don't blurt out stuff but I probably have. Now though, I make an effort to just listen to my friends and when they ask me, that's when I give my two cents.

    This is a very interesting and fun post, Keesha!

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    1. Thanks, so much Anne. As for helping friends, it can be hard when one knows to much about a subject (almost having expert status) and has moved on to a different stage. Almost like talking to a child about her first crush.

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  5. Stopping by via Anne's blog :: loved your guest post. And yet again, I agree with this one too. What is it about some mothers? Sheesh.
    New follower via GFC. Come visit! http://www.avagracescloset.blogspot.com}

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    1. Thanks so much, Susan! So glad you liked both posts. Sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse we mothers are a tough bunch, ain't we? I am off to visit your blog!

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